Wednesday, 30th September 2020

Trains to introduce 'anti-mask wanker only' carriages

RAIL operators are to protect passengers with brain cells by introducing carriages exclusively for twats who refuse to wear face masks.

The carriages will be clearly labelled with a picture of a mask being cut in half by scissors and aim to provide a safe space for morons to be stupid.

A National Rail spokesman said: “Public transport can be stressful for halfwits who don’t follow health guidelines, what with people shouting at them or secretly snapping them on their phones so they can bitch about them on social media.

“By giving them their own carriages, anti-mask wankers will be free to misinterpret science, exchange conspiracy theories, and splutter coronavirus all over each other to their heart’s content.

“To make them feel at home we’ll also pipe in Talk Radio and refer to face masks as muzzles. Anyone wearing a face mask in these carriages will be asked to move to a more considerate part of the train.

“Idiots who wear their masks pulled down around their chins are also strongly advised to use the anti-mask wanker only carriages as well. F**k ‘em.”