Can your nukes reach Canada? Trump asks Kim

PRESIDENT Trump has asked Kim Jong-un to join his war against the dangerous, out-of-control liberal democracy of Canada. 

The North Korean has pledged to provide military support against the growing military threat of crazed prime minister Justin Trudeau, who has sworn to wipe the US from the map by protecting dairy farmers. 

A summit insider said: “Kim began by saying denuclearisation would take time, whereupon Trump unveiled his gift of 800lbs of plutonium and asked how soon he could get it loaded into warheads. 

“Then he outlined his plan to form a ‘G7 of bastards’ with Russia, China, Saudia Arabia, the Phillipines, Uzbekistan and Zimbabwe to counter the other G7’s terrifying attempts to promote free trade and freedom generally. 

“They spent the rest of the time colouring in maps. Trump’s having most of the Americas, apart from where there are already thriving dictatorships he doesn’t want to step on the toes of. 

“Kim’s having Australia, Russia’s having Europe, China’s having Japan. It’s all very fair.”  

Trump said: “Trudeau is worse than Hitler. Also, shorter than me.”