GREECE is not a real place and its debts were just a dream all along, it has been agreed.
The Eurozone crisis, which looked set to trigger a transcontinental meltdown within the next few days, has been explained as ‘a thrilling story like in the Bourne films’.
European Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker said: “Greece? Nobody has been taking that old fairy story for real, have they?
“Perhaps there once was a real Greece, but long ago it sank beneath the waves. The only Greece that exists now is of the imagination, a land of capering satyrs and bull-headed men in labyrinths. It is no more real than Oz or Narnia.”
He added: “Any suggestion that a magical land owed us 330 billion euros without which we would go bankrupt is ridiculous. See, the money is still there in our accounts.”
Tom Logan, from Cambridge, said: “I did think when I was watching Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, that it was a complete load of made-up bullshit.
“It also means I can stop worrying about that bloke I ran over in Corfu in 2003.”