India To Build Hospital On The Moon

INDIA is to build a state of the art, multi-million dollar hospital on the moon.

A $10 billion rocket containing $1 billion worth of concrete and shovels blasted off this morning in what the government described as a 'great day for Indian healthcare'.

The lunar project will include a 2000-bed hospital and a gigantic warehouse filled with penicillin, as well 500 primary schools and thousands of disease-free public lavatories.

A government spokesman said India now hoped to become the first nation without indoor plumbing to land a man on the moon.

Charlie Reeves, a backpacker, said: "One of the first things you notice about India is all the cholera you get every time you go for a dump.

"The next thing you notice is the millions and millions and millions of children tugging constantly at your shirt and begging you for money so they can eat."

He added: "Who knows? Maybe one day one of these starving untouchables will grow up to become a spaceman."

Meanwhile, a spokesman for Save the Children, said: "Well, this is going to help us enormously."

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Gap Narrows Between Poor People And Chickens

THE gap between poor people and chickens is at its narrowest since 1945, according to a major international report.

The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development said Britian's domestic fowl are enjoying their highest standard of living since families kept backyard hens to ward off Nazis.

The OECD revealed many chickens are now enjoying better living conditions than people in the east end of Glasgow or some of the mankier parts of Leeds.

Report author Tom Logan said: "A lot of chickens don't feel better off because they read magazines like Hello and see lots of humans who aren't scraping bugs out of the ground and living in their own shit."

But the report says the gap between chickens and rich people remains one of the widest in the developed world.

Mr Logan added: "More chickens are being eaten by more rich people, often in some sort of jus. The inequality gap doesn't really get much wider than that.

"Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall have done a lot, but many chickens still feel that not enough poor people are being throttled and then roasted with garlic.

"I guess we'll just have to wait for the next series of River Cottage."