Saturday, 5th December 2020

Kanye West sweeps all 50 US states

THE presidential race has suffered a major upset after rapper Kanye West won an electoral landslide. 

Donald Trump and Joe Biden failed to pick up a single state after Kanye swept to victory on both coasts, the South and the Midwest, taking control of the Senate, the House of Representatives and the Supreme Court.

Polling expert Nate Silver said: “I guess both the Democrats and Republicans chose to put their focus on policies and personalities, while forgetting that Gold Digger f**king slaps.

“Ultimately, it seems, the pundits overlooked the fact that the run from 2004’s The College Dropout to 2016’s The Life Of Pablo is unparalleled in hip hop, and even Jesus Is King is pretty good once you get over it being Christian.

“Perhaps if the other candidates had focused on being a leading beatmaker and producer or running a multi-million dollar fashion line they could have competed. But probably not.”

West, who took to the balcony at the White House to announce he can levitate, that he will cure coronavirus with the power of his mind and that overnight he has made key breakthroughs in the field of quantum physics, has been hailed as a welcome return to grounded reality for the office.