OLDER men looking to attract younger women have leapt onto the fake nipple trend and are wearing as many as 18 per outfit.
The trend of wearing fake nipples to draw attention to your chest was showcased at this year’s Met Gala and is now available on the high street, with men in their 40s leaping aboard.
Julian Cook, aged 48 and looking to settle down with a 23-year-old, said: “They say it gives the illusion of youth. I’ve bought three packs.
“I arranged them down my chest so it looks like I’ve got a classic row of suckling teats, which indicates that I’m not only youthful, healthy and fertile but a provider. Which I am. I bought my last girlfriend a £1,500 bean-to-cup coffee machine.”
51-year-old Oliver O’Connor, whose two divorces were not his fault, agreed: “Nipples are sexy. I already open my shirts to the sternum. Imagine how much sexier I’d be if I had 12 nipples to show off?
“So I’ve bought multiple silicone nipples, absolutely top quality, the same ones Vladimir Putin wears, and I’ve stuck them all over my body. Elbows, forehead, back, the lot. It’s called nipplemaxxing. That’s a youth term, you’re probably not heard it.”
Carrie Ryan, aged 34 but 26 on Hinge, said: “Uh. Bad enough I’m dating older men, but now I’m doing the walk of shame with a stray nipple stuck to my arse?”
