Lower middle class bellend aspiring to be upper middle class twat

A LOWER middle class man has made it his ambition to move up the social ladder but still be a twat.

Ambitious junior sales executive Tom Booker passionately explained his aspirations in the pub to friend Martin Bishop, who immediately began thinking of excuses to go home.

Booker said: “You’ve got to aim high in life, and by ‘high’ I mean a bigger house or newer car, not good deeds or any of that bullshit.

“By this time next year I won’t be wanking on tediously about getting a company Ford Focus, I’ll be wanking on tediously about buying a BMW. I’ll also probably mention having a Waitrose account as if that is incredibly impressive.

“I’ll be going skiing a lot, and giving the impression I am best friends with slightly posh doctors I meet. That really will mark me out as a twat.

“And then once I’m an upper middle class twat I can get to work on becoming a lower upper class arsehole. The sky really is the limit.”

Friend Bishop said: “It’s impossible to say whether Tom will achieve his social ambitions, but he will definitely always be a twat.”