AFTER using a train bathroom, a male passenger is bitterly lamenting his decision not to sit down to piss.
Tom Logan was horrified as, midway through urinating, the train started to rock uncontrollably on an uneven stretch of track, causing him to douse almost every surface in the bathroom in urine.
Describing the incident, the piss-soaked IT worker said: “I’m normally a very accurate pisser, but what happened in there was absolute carnage.
“As I say to my girlfriend whenever she complains about our toilet seat at home: ‘Why would I sit down to piss when I’ve a dick?’ And besides, it’s more fun aiming to try and get all the piss in the bowl, like your very own arcade game.
“No one wants to sit on a train toilet seat because some filthy bastard has always pissed on it, or worse. But I didn’t stand a chance in there, it was like having my dick out on a roller coaster. It’s Southern Rail you should be blaming, not me.”
Fellow passenger Donna Sheridan, who used the bathroom after Logan, said: “Southern Rail has a lot to answer for, but I don’t think even their harshest critic would blame them for this twat somehow filling the toilet’s wastepaper bin with a litre of piss.
“He must have been in his late 40s. How does he still have the power to get wee on the ceiling?”