Wednesday, 26th February 2020

Rightmove better than porn, women confirm

WOMEN have confirmed that they find browsing online property website Rightmove to be more sexually stimulating than any pornography. 

The site, which offers tastefully shot pictures of large, tidy houses, has replaced erotic fantasies for millions of women who admit they find it hard to climax without it.

Tom Logan of Derby said: “When I come up to bed, Rebecca locks her phone and pretends to be asleep. One time, though, I caught sight of her screen and I admit I feel a bit shaken. Five double bedrooms. Detached. It was really niche stuff.”

Rebecca Logan said: “You just keep swiping, wondering what you’ll see next. One minute it’s a cottage in the Cotswolds, the next you’ve stumbled across a farm in France with extensive outbuildings.

“From there you end up looking at abandoned water mills in the Pyrenees, or former baronial castles in the West Highlands. You should probably go back but you just keep scrolling.

“I know I should involve Tom but it’s just too much like hard work. Plus, it’s not necessarily what I’d want in real life. Imagine the stamp duty.”

Tom said, “My thing is studio flats in Berlin, but Rebecca doesn’t need to know that.”