A WOMAN who has treated herself to a canine companion during lockdown has decided on one that is incredibly f**king ugly.
Grace Wood-Morris of Leeds is the proud new owner of a pedigree pug and is already enjoying parading its hideous squashed inbred face around her local park.
She said: “Look at him! Look at his nasty little squashed-up face like he’s been left upside down wedged in a tube for a week. Isn’t he adorable?
“I live alone and I’m kind of a bitch, so what I’ve missed most over lockdown is feeling superior to others. That’s why I decided to get a pug.
“I deliberately chose the ugliest and most contemptible dog available because I not only wanted to feel better about myself but to inflict its repulsiveness on others.
“You can’t believe the compliments little Mason gets in the park. You literally can’t, because they’re verifiably false. ‘He’s so cute!’ people say. ‘No he’s not,’ I reply, ‘He’s butt-ugly.’
“It’s such a comfort to me, knowing that he’ll never leave because nobody else would want him. This must be how women find husbands.”