IF Craig David has had to resort to singing about food delivery, these lesser musicians with no dignity left to lose would probably jump at the chance to do a takeaway ad.
The Subways
Few things in life are certain, but ‘Be my little Rock ‘n’ Roll Burger King’ being used in an advert for a Whopper is fairly inevitable. Lending their vocal talents to a certain sandwich chain is so obvious it would be regarded as a sellout move, and the last thing The Subways want to do is alienate the handful of fans that still come to watch them support a bigger act.
The Fratellis
The royalties from people Spotifying Chelsea Dagger must be so small that The Fratellis wouldn’t consider themselves above shilling for Just Eat. Repurposing their one song that people know to peddle sushi would be easy enough, plus the advert could lean into people’s nostalgia for the band by putting 50s-themed burlesque dancers on screen. Even when it comes to 10-minute delivery times, sex sells.
Muse
It’s never clear whether the Taunton trio like technology or hate it. Either Matt Bellamy is fannying about with guitar touchpad bollocks or he’s decrying unsustainable energy usage on an album inspired by wasteful techno imp Skrillex. If they ever collaborate with an app that fattens up the proles, expect them to remain true to their confusing form by singing We Are F**king F**ked.
The Hoosiers
When it comes to working with Just Eat, The Hoosiers are the perfect choice. This is because their repertoire contains one option people will happily choose again and again, and a host of shit that is constantly ignored. Although seeing as most people haven’t thought of The Hoosiers since 2008, younger generations will be confused by these obscure relics flogging noodle boxes.
Kaiser Chiefs
As a band who have written songs about eating crisps for dinner, junk food promotion is the next logical step for the Kaiser Chiefs. Now that his stint as a judge on The Voice is over, Ricky Wilson is sure to happily alter the lyrics of Oh My God to include details about two-for-one deals on pizza deliveries. And even then the tune will be unironically loved by football fans with crap taste.
Feeder
With a name like theirs, promoting a food delivery site will provide viewers with literal seconds of amusement. Also, Buck Rogers is all about the lead singer’s girlfriend shitcanning him for a high-flying ad man, so using it in a Just Eat commercial has a certain irony to it. And nothing shifts takeaway food as effectively as poetic irony. That’s advertising 101.
