FIFTEEN-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, is in hot water for forgetting his girlfriend’s birthday.
DA other day Lady G hasked if we woz doin’ anyfink special hafter school. Active J sed: ‘Man will bust some righteous rap an’ do da laces in him’s 95s in a peng different way, innit.’
An’ she woz like: ‘Is dat all man finks habout, rappin’ an’ him’s nang 95s?‘ Man sed: ‘Yeah, wot is your point?’ An her sed: ‘Parentdem is takin’ Lady G to da fancypants restaurant tonight, called Flush, for her birthday scran. Remember, birthday?’
Man sed: ‘Why is you not bustin’ Maccy’s?’ An’ den Lady G went hyper-volcanic, fam. Her sed she never wants to see man hever hagain. An’ den she ended our 1,200 day Snapchat streak. Man knew den him woz in a bare deep beef ting.
Da day hafter in school all da gyaldem woz lookin’ haway an’ havoidin’ eye contact. Drilla sed it woz coz Active J ‘ad disrespected Lady G by forgettin’ her birthday. You throw shade on one gyal, you throw shade on all gyaldem. Even Miss Jackson sed she ‘ad heard habout man’s trouble an’ man needs to be nice to Lady G.
Da next day woz a non-ooniform day, so Joshua Hudson ‘ad to make a happearance to make up for Active J bein’ a bare badass. Man ‘ad to muggle-up an’ wear St. Michael peach polo shirt, Chinos the colour of sick an’ brown shoes. Rank!
Da next morning Joshua woz not flexin’ swag. Man woz hidin’ in da shadows, but crewdem saw Joshua an’ started laughin’ like hidiots. Joshua woz oomiliated an’ woz all over Hinsta an’ Snapchat in seconds, fam.
Den, out of nowhere, Lady G happeared wiv gyaldem crew in a Mandarin Cheesecake fog, her favourite breakfast vape. Miss Jackson sed to pay Lady G a compliment, so Joshua sed: ‘Hello, Lady G. Your teeth look pretty, have you just brushed them?’
Lady G an’ da gyaldem just looked haway. Man sed: ‘Joshua is sorry he misremembered your birthday and super sorry for always thinking about himself and being a bossman roadman.’ Lady G an’ da gyaldem just crossed dem’s arms an’ kept lookin’ haway. Man limped off coz him’s muggle shoes woz rubbin’. Dat woz da lowest low of all lows, fam.
But den some learnbot gyals den crowded round man, sayin’: ‘Would you like help with your algebra, Joshua?’ An’: ‘Hi Josh, can I do the crop rotation homework with you?’ Joshua woz peng wiv da learnbot gyaldem, innit.
Den Lady G noticed an’ scattered da crowd of learnbots, an’ sed to man: ‘Lady G thanks Joshua Hudson for making a heffort, but doesn’t like Joshua as much as Active J. You is not a brand muggle, you is my hench bossman roadman. Now take dem rankman shoes off an’ swag hafter me to where man belongs.’
At da hastroturf, Lady G gave man a new Rhubarb Crumble vape. We chugged together an’ da fog made a heart shape in da cold air. Active J an’ Lady G kissed, an’ chugged hagain. Gassed, fam. Uber gassed!
