Couple on lunchtime date hammered and ready for sex by 4pm

A MAN and woman who arranged a daytime date to get to know each other were shouting drunk and ready to shag by late afternoon. 

Emma Bradford and Tom Logan met at 11.30am with plans to look around a market, walk through a park and perhaps wander into an art gallery, but instead immediately began drinking at an unsustainable evening pace.

Bradford said: “It was going to be a different kind of date, a sunlit daytime date where we explored the city through each others’ eyes and made marvellous, serendipitous discoveries. Which is why a noon glass of prosecco was fine.

“Unfortunately that led to another, and another bottle, and we never got to the market or the park or the art gallery but instead stayed in the bar for four hours getting increasingly smashed and horny.

“I can’t take him home for a quick fuck now because my housemate’s baking bread. But if I go to his I might end up doing the walk of shame before Casualty has started.

“This is why people go on dates in the evening. That way nobody sees what a mistake you’re making, including you.”

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YOU’RE reading a book, which is good and you are deservedly congratulating yourself.

But is it a proper book, or is it crime or fantasy or sci-fi or some nonsense like that? Take our quiz to find out:

What is the lead character called? 

A) Damien
B) Prince Fermin
C) Inspector Schneider

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C) There’s been an unusual murder

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What happens at the end? 

A) Nothing
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Are you enjoying it? 

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B) Yeah, it’s a break from dull everyday life
C) It wasn’t as good as the one where the bodies are all on top of buses but it’s still good


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