CUDDLING all night without it turning sexual was a blissful way to spend time together, a man who frantically masturbated at 3am has told a new girlfriend.
Having released his pent up sexual energy by himself, Jack Browne has reassured date Jo Kramer that cuddling for eight hours was just as good, if not better, than shagging so hard they broke the bed.
He said: “I wasn’t expecting sex when you coyly suggested staying over. It was just a coincidence I trimmed my pubes so my dick looked slightly bigger.
“Only an Andrew Tate incel type would think you were being a cocktease, baby. There’s nothing frustrating about being pressed up against a naked woman you fancy for the first time as she dozes off. I was only rock hard because I was so relaxed.
“Sex doesn’t compare to cuddling anyway. It makes you all sweaty and you have to clean yourself up afterwards. Spooning lasts much longer and if you’re lucky your arm doesn’t go dead. It’s really the best. Honestly.
“It would be great to go further next time though. Just so I can see how the two experiences compare. It’s more of a due diligence thing than anything else.”
Girlfriend Jo Kramer said: “I hope Jack takes longer on the loo when we cuddle again. I was sneakily trying to rub one out while he was in there.”
