NASA to tackle more of David Bowie's questions

HAVING discovered life-giving water on Mars, NASA scientists are hoping to address further questions posed by David Bowie.

NASA chief Julian Cook said: “I faxed David our findings last night, he was satisfied that life on Mars is at least vaguely possible and we should now crack on with ‘Where were the spiders while the fly tried to break our balls?’ and ’Is it any wonder that I reject you first?’

“We’ve already sent a high-ranking military officer called Tom into orbit and asked if he can hear us. Plus I told David the other week that I do occasionally wonder about sound and vision.

“But there’s still a good 45 years of musical inquiries to tackle, so I’ve assigned each staff member a song and told them to get on with it.”

NASA engineer Joseph Turner said: “Mainly I’ve just been Googling ‘Where do spiders live?'”

Scientist Eleanor Shaw said: “I’m supposed to be doing Magic Dance off the Labyrinth soundtrack, but Bowie pretty much answers all the questions in that one as he goes along.

“Under ‘What babe?’ I’ve put ‘The babe with the power’, under ‘What power?’ I’ve put ‘The power of voodoo’, and under ‘Who do?/You do/Do what?’ I’ve put ‘Remind me of the babe’.”

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Bounty Hunter launched as first coconut bar for men

COCONUT chocolate bar Bounty is now available in a male version called Bounty Hunter.

The two products are identical except for the name.

Marketing consultant Julian Cook said: “Bounty bars are perceived as something someone’s mum might treat themselves to at Christmas. Also the tropical aspect has a bit of a ‘divorced woman on holiday looking for cock’ vibe.

“However there’s a lot of men out there keen to each mulched coconut without compromising their masculinity.

“Bounty Hunter sounds cool and macho, like something an MMA fighter would eat.

“Whereas Bounty sounds like an Italian film from the fifties, probably with Sophia Loren as a beautiful housewife who longs to kill her philandering husband with a coconut.”