Single planet not ready for a long-term orbit

A ROGUE planet has told astronomers it wants to keep playing the galactic field.

Scientists were surprised by the orbitless planet’s free-wheeling attitude.

Labelled CFBDSIT2149, the rakish astral body said: “There’s a lot of stars out there, so why settle down with the first one I meet?

“Right now I just want to do some casual orbiting and not get into a serious gravitational situation.”



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I like telly, can I run the BBC?

Dear Holly,

I’ve been on jobseekers since leaving school, and never really had the inkling for work, but I notice the top job is going at the BBC. Considering I do practically nothing but watch TV, I feel I would be perfect for the position. Granted, I do tend to watch ITV, but I’m a big fan of Fiona Bruce, if you know what I mean. Do you think I’m in with a chance?



Dear Russell,

I think you should go for it. Why should you be discriminated against, just because you’re useless? At my school, we have a gender neutral policy, which means gender plays no role in any of our daily activities. So we have unisex toilets, and unisex uniforms, and no-one is allowed to laugh at Cindy Spigot for having two mummies. As a result of this rule, Oliver French has been selected to play the role of Mary in this year’s nativity: he argued that if girls got the part of the three wise men then why not let a boy play a girl’s role. Despite our gender neutral policy, the teachers were initially unsure about letting him because of what happened the year before when he method-acted as a donkey and did a little poo on Joseph’s shoe, but they decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Hope that helps!