THE middle class would collapse into self-loathing without frozen food store Iceland to look down on, it has been claimed.
Researchers at the Institute for Studies found that mocking the cheap food outlet provides a vital ‘release valve’ for the reasonably well-off.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “The average middle class person spends 75 minutes per week pouring scorn on Iceland, usually prompted by a television advert starring Kerry Katona, Stacey Solomon or equivalent proletariat mother figure.
“The mockery is especially focused on the Iceland party foods range such as Mini Pink Custard Slices, Lasagne Bites and King Prawn Rings.
“Clearly anything called a King Prawn Ring is funny. But why has Iceland has become an obsession among society’s Waitrose tier?
“Our study found that middle class people are absolutely riddled with insecurity. They can barely make a hot drink without having an emotional crisis about the semantics of loose leaf versus tea bags, and the carbon footprint of turning on the kettle.
“Iceland is a safe anchoring point, something that can be ridiculed freely because it’s ‘unhealthy’ and not associated with a particular ethnic group.”
Architect Julian Cook said: “They have something called a ‘Mini Loaded Potato Skin’. Oh my god, I wouldn’t give that to my dog, it looks like a tiny UFO with leprosy.
“Thanks Christ it exists though, otherwise how would I know I’m better than millions of people?”