90 per cent of people want to post 'so?' under everyone's status updates

MOST people just want to write ‘so?’ underneath every status update they see on Facebook, it has been confirmed.

With Facebook now essentially adverts, personal trivia and pictures of the children of people you vaguely know, millions of users said they wanted most of all to express their utter indifference.

Tom Booker, from Stevenage, said: “Sister’s friend passed her driving theory – So?

“That guy I went to school with had a pint of real ale – So?

“I’m an uncle again. Big fucking woop.

“But if I was to actually be honest and write it, that makes me the bad guy.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, form the Institute for Studies, added: “It’s like my mum used to say, ‘If you haven’t got anything nice to write about someone’s status update, don’t write anything at all.’”

“Or was that Confucius?”

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Hawking discovers new super-dense black hole

PROFESSOR Stephen Hawking has discovered the densest thing in the known universe.

The world’s most famous theoretical physicist said the super-dense black hole was located in the centre of London and looks like a six foot tall weasel.

Unveiling his discovery, Hawking said: “It sucks in facts and then crushes them instantaneously to the point where they may as well never have existed.

“I still don’t how it could possibly have got there. No-one does. There’s no reason for it to exist in its current position.

“It’s as if the universe is just being spiteful.”

He added: “It’s also the first black hole that appears to be wholly owned by private health care providers.“