A PAIR of designer sandals are doing an incredible job of caking their owner’s feet in filth.
Nikki Hollis’s statement footwear is failing at its basic function as a shoe by letting dirt and small rocks filter through its thin, expensive straps, thereby ruining her fashionable aesthetic.
Hollis said: “I wanted my feet to look sophisticated and cute. Maybe even turn the head of a pervert. But instead they look like they belong to a Dickensian street urchin.
“I paid £90 for these. The least they could do is protect my feet from the dust and debris that seems to be on every walkable surface. Honestly, I expected more from clothing that was probably made by a child labourer.
“If I wanted to look like a peasant or some Bristol crusty, I’d go barefoot. Strappy sandals with a flimsy, five-millimetre tread should provide as much protection as a pair of Dr Martens. I’m within my rights to report them to Trading Standards.
“Throwing them away would be admitting defeat, and pairing them with socks is obviously a bad idea. I’m left with no choice but to wear them for the next 30 years until they fall apart.”
Sandal-maker Emma Bradford said: “Exposing them to the outdoors was Nikki’s first mistake. Sandals are only meant to be worn by waifish supermodels in photoshoots. Everyone knows that.”
