Children Admit To Being Little Shits

MORE than 90% of British children are unbearable little shits, according to new research.

Ghastly. Little. Shits.

In a survey of 3,000 school pupils, nine out of 10 said they were an annoying little shit at least twice a day, while three-quarters said they enjoyed it more than chips.

Teachers' leaders said they were not surprised by the figures as they have been stressing for years just how awful children really are.

A National Union of Teachers spokesman said: "Seriously, they are unbelievably ghastly and dreadful."

Wayne Hayes, a 12 year-old from Watford, said: "I like to ride my bike in a zig-zag motion in front of drivers and then, when they finally get past me, I like to give them the finger and call them wankers."

He added: "I have been alive for more than 12 years and have therefore earned the right to do whatever I want."

His classmate, Nathan Muir, said: "I like to write my name on other people's property, especially if it's brand new. I also like to get drunk and fire my airgun at cats."

He added: "Fuck you."

Professor Henry Brubaker, director of the Institute for Studies, said: "For years we have struggled with the question of why juvenile behavioural standards have deteriorated so significantly.

"It turns out it's because they're a bunch of little shits."