Eighty percent would tell Dickensian Christmas ghosts to bugger off 


FOUR out of five people would completely fail to heed the lesson in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, experts have confirmed.

When shown dramatisations of their previous misdemeanours, most subjects simply shrugged their shoulders and suggested that, ‘shit happens that either wasn’t their fault or wasn’t such a big deal’.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Using virtual reality technology – and a smidgeon of drugs – we were able to simulate the visitation of three ghosts to see if people have the moral fibre of a Victorian moneylender.

“They just spent most of their time trying to spy on people getting changed, and on Christmas morning they flung open their window and told the urchin in the street to get the fuck away from their car.”

Professor Brubaker added: “If the book were written today, the aim of the ghosts would be more modest, such as encouraging Scrooge to at least offer some form of payment protection insurance.”