Gobshite mum with no interest in her kids' education furious school closed

A WOMAN with no interest in her children achieving academically is angry that her local secondary school has not reopened.

Nikki Hollis, a mother of two secondary-age children, actively discourages her children from learning but is incandescent with rage about their suspended schooling.

Hollis said: “Book learning is shit because you’ve got to live in the real world. My kids won’t get anywhere with Shakespeare. And maths has calculators.

“Nonetheless I’m sick of leftie teachers trying to ruin my kids’ lives by not turning up. Why don’t they want to be heroes?

“I’d be out on the frontlines myself, only there’s no jobs now are there? And I’ve got no previous work experience apart from the cafe when I was 19.

“If they’re getting paid they need to be working. I’m taking the Staffie for a walk then posting some stuff on Mail Online.

Hollis is currently texting her sister about ‘these lazy bastard teachers’ while her children try to get their heads around calculus.

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MPs returning to parliament dangerous but f**k 'em, key workers agree

NHS workers and supermarket staff have agreed that as they are risking their lives then the MPs who order them to can bloody well do the same. 

Yesterday’s Commons vote was widely viewed as farcical, unnecessary and an assault on democracy, but also f**k them and they can get out in the world like everybody else has to.

Hospital porter Jordan Gardner said: “Let’s give our smug, overpaid politicians the chance to be heroes. See how they like it.

“Yes, they can’t really practice social distancing in parliament, sure, they had a working remote voting system, and obviously it’s only so Boris will get a few cheers for his shit bluster.

“But also? F**king get to work. You don’t want to? None of us want to. Maybe you’ll get track-and-trace sorted now you’ve got some skin in the game.

“And don’t worry. If you should happen to get COVID-19 and die, we’ll all line up to be in the papers saying ‘At least they lost their life doing what they loved.’”

MP Denys Finch Hatton said: “But you don’t understand. I’m important.”