CRITICISING any of Britain’s many, many flaws will see immigrants shipped off for sheer bloody ingratitude, the government has announced.
Whinging about this country’s rubbish weather, inadequate housing system, lengthy NHS waiting lists, potholes and expensive trains will all be deemed exile-worthy offenses under the sweeping new policy.
A Home Office spokesperson said: “Britain is a welcoming country. So long as you foreign freaks choke down its myriad failings without so much as a sneer.
“Only true British natives are allowed to grumble about our awful way of life. If you don’t like our extortionate cost of living and oppressive class system, you can piss off back to whichever backwater you came from. I’m guessing France?
“Our enforcement officers are ready to swoop into action if they see an immigrant so much as tut at a soggy Yorkshire pudding. It’ll be the one service in this country that actually works, but Johnny Foreigner will probably find fault with that, too.
“If they pass a citizenship test they can moan about parking and Piers Morgan. It has to be in English though, do it in Welsh and they’ll be banged up for life.”
Immigrant Tom Booker said: “Britain’s not perfect, but it has a world-class immigrant-hating infrastructure. That’s why we all cross the Channel, to see it for real.”
