A MAN has spent several hundred pounds on weird food that he would never consider buying during the rest of the year.
Martin Bishop, 36, was handed a shopping list by his wife as he left for the supermarket, to return an hour later utterly perplexed and significantly poorer for the experience.
Bishop said: “What the fuck is a turkey crown? Which aisle is a jar of pickled walnuts on? Is cassis a drink or a type of cleaning product?
“It was like being in the Aztec Zone of the Crystal Maze, except instead of looking for a crystal I was looking for a pack of six individual Beef Wellington tartlets.
“I was practically bleeding from the eyeballs out of sheer frustration by the time I managed to lay my hands on the Heston frigging Blumenthal banana and bacon trifle.
“When I got it back my wife silently searched through the bags and then just said ‘Where’s the brusselmole?’”