A COMMUTER has missed his stop and is travelling away from work after spontaneously and for no reason suffering an erection.
Plaintively staring at his diminishing office, 27-year-old James Bates remains seated, with a backpack over his groin, and fully tumescent.
He said: “I wasn’t even thinking about any of that. I’d drifted from general contemplation of the Euro qualifiers into a Zenlike calm. But, as my stop approached, I was diamond-hard.
“I have no idea where it came from. To be absolutely clear, there’s nowhere less erotic than the number four from Bracknell to Reading. The bloke opposite me was eating loose crisps from a carrier bag.
“But somehow, maybe due to my position above the wheel, I had the kind of stiffy I’d be proud to show up in the bedroom with. No way could I get off the bus. Someone may very well have ended up calling the police.
“This needs to subside and fast. I’m two stops past and it’s still like a scaffolding pole. What’s my excuse for being late? That I had a cock on me that could take an eye out?
“Go down, you Monday morning bastard. Where are you when I f**king need you?”