Tuesday, 4th August 2020

Monks wondering why God wants them to make shitload of beer

MONKS have asked why God needs them to make lots of quite strong beer.

The brothers of Trinnash Abbey, an ancient monastery known for its 6.2 per cent Trinnash Brown Ale which is also sold in supermarkets, have asked for clarification on the whole beer thing.

Brother Tom Logan said: “Maybe I’m missing something, but selling beer and getting pissed seem to be quite at odds with the other aspects of being a monk, like prayers and gardening.

“Apparently our beer is an ‘ancient and holy tradition’ but it’s still stronger than Stella. I had four bottles last night and couldn’t even remember the Lord's Prayer this morning because my head felt like it was in a vice.

“Overall though I do like the beer-making thing, it just seems a bit weird, like Jesus having a casino.”

However 89-year-old Brother Roy Hobbs said: “It is written in the scriptures that God appeared in the sky in the form of a beer bottle.

“He said to some monks ‘ye shall go forth and glorify my name in a 6.2 per cent ABV beer with a malty finish. And ye canst have a beer allowance of six bottles per night, per monk, for ye trouble.’

“So there it is. God said it and it is good. But those other monks who make cider are heretics and will burn forever.”