BRITAIN’S bosses have confirmed plans to let their hands ‘accidentally’ fall onto buttocks at the office Christmas party.
Middle-aged senior managers said their sweaty palms will land on a female employee’s lower back then slide down to upper buttock as if by accident.
Company director Tom Booker said: “I would never sexually harass my staff, but I will get as near as possible to doing so within legal boundaries.
“My favourite party move is a technique called the ‘hugfondle’. It’s a friendly embrace that I hold for a few seconds too long, getting a bit handsy at the end.
“I might throw in a creepy line like ‘Mmm your hair smells nice’.
“Laura from marketing just feels so warm and womanly, unlike my wife who is cold to the touch like a shard of husband-resenting ice.”
56-year-old area manager Stephen Malley said: “Christmas is a time for giving and I want to give some of the sales team a bit of a feel.
“Of course I would never take advantage but when we’ve got our arms interlocked for a group photo I might have to steady myself by clutching a buttock, that sort of thing.
“The ladies never complain, after all they’ve just had a free meal plus crackers and party hats. Plus jobs are hard to come by these days.”
He added: “This is literally the only thing I look forward to all year.”