PARENTS have told children who misbehave that they will have to answer to Eddie Mair.
Mothers and fathers across the UK have backed up their threat by showing their children a video of the BBC interviewer grabbing a big blond clown and kicking the shit out of it.
Tom Logan, a father of two from Peterborough, said: “Finally I have the weapon I need.”
Logan’s seven year-old son Peter said: “I dreamt that Eddie Mair was looming over me, his big face filling my entire field of vision.
“He stared coldly into my eyes and just said ‘you, Peter Logan, are a fucking liar’.
“He then listed 14 lies I had told in the last week. I asked him how he could possibly know and he smirked and said ‘we’ve made a little documentary about you Peter’.
“At that point I woke up because I had pissed myself.”
Logan’s five year-old daughter Maisie added: “Did you know that broccoli can significantly reduce the risk of cancer and does not taste like big green turds?
“It is absolutely not in my interest to lock horns with Eddie Mair.”