THE world is on the cusp of peak exhaustion after hitting peaks in every possible field.
The simultaneous achievement of peak beard, peak box-set, peak 90s reunion nostalgia tour, peak gourmet burger and peak superhero film means that it is downhill from here.
Trend analyst Dr Helen Archer said: “In a very real sense, we have peaked too soon.
“Beginning in the 1970s with predictions of peak oil, the assigning of peaks has steadily built to a peak at the peak of which all things have been arbitrarily given a peak of their own.
“As rail commuters know, off-peak is only half as good which is why it’s cheap, but that’s all we have to look forward to.
“From now on it’s steady decline until we reach trough beard, trough EDM, trough UKIP and trough Helen Flanagan in a bra.”
The crisis is thought to be the most serious since the tipping point tipping point of the early 00s, which was only ended by a perfect storm of perfect storms.