Self-deprecating remark about age goes unchallenged

A MAN is taking legal action after colleagues failed to reassure him when he joked about films being in black and white when he was young.

54-year-old office worker Roy Hobbs made extensive remarks about how grey and wizened he looks, with the express intention of getting people to contradict him or even to tell him they think men his age are sexy.

He said: “When you make a joke about your personal appearance people are bound by social convention to disagree with you, not nod their heads and go ‘yeah.’

“When Hazel from purchase ledger said she couldn’t wear a tight dress what with her figure, everyone told her she’d look ‘lush’ in it even though they knew she’d actually look like minced pork stuffed into a condom.”

Hobbs said he felt the reaction were both ageist and sexist and is consulting a lawyer.

Hobb’s co-worker Stephen Malley said: “People made that comment to Hazel because she is nice, while Roy is a miserable sod who never buys any biscuits.

“Probably because, as he says, the shops no longer accept groats and farthings.”

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Ask Holly: I just found out that lots of people in this country have got absolutely no money

Dear Holly,

I’m a little bit upset, because I just found out that lots of people in this country have got absolutely no money due to budget cuts or something. Worse than this, apparently hardly any of them have a top hat and tails or access to a limousine, so Christ knows what they do when they attend a celebratory ball. I don’t know which bumbling fool has authored this almighty cock-up but we need to do something ASAP. How can I find the person or persons responsible? 



Dear David,

I hate it when you find out horrible stuff like that, it’s not a nice surprise. It happens to me quite a lot. For example, did you know that there’s actually no such person as Peppa Pig? Yes, you heard me correctly: pigs can’t talk and wear clothes and live in houses and be friends with talking wolves and dogs. And they don’t ride bikes and go to nursery and sing catchy little songs round the campfire. No: pigs are farmed and slaughtered and sliced into delicious bacon that gives us cancer and we die. The sooner we all admit this to ourselves, the better.

Hope that helps,