Toddler strangely not into pub

A COUPLE are baffled as to why their three-year-old child did not enjoy a trip to the pub.

Tom and Emma Logan’s son Jasper spent his time at the Grey Wolf pub in Macclesfield looking bored or howling tearfully, despite its recent refurbishment and excellent range of beers.

Marketing manager Tom said: “I don’t understand what Jasper’s problem is. Maybe for some reason he wasn’t enjoying his orange squash as much as I enjoyed those pints of Czech lager.

“It can’t be the conversation, because Emma and I swapped funny work stories, and our divorced friend Jeff came over and really made us laugh with his latest internet dating disaster.

“Unfortunately Jasper was determined not to enjoy himself, even though we allowed him to explore the interesting space underneath the table.

All attempts to interest Jasper in child-friendly pub activities like playing on the quiz machine or reading The Observer failed, and getting him to use a “magic” Dyson hand dryer in the toilets merely resulted in screams of terror.

Emma Bradford said: “People were actually giving us dirty looks. But if an infant doesn’t belong in the pub, where do they belong?”

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Tim Peake’s friend feels his weekend news has been overshadowed

ASTRONAUT Tim Peake’s friend has struggled to match his weekend news during a call to the International Space Station.

Peake’s best friend Julian Cook phoned the space station to see what he had been up to lately.

Cook said: “Apparently he’s been floating in the vastness of space, repairing a damaged power unit while 250 miles above the earth. But then the other astronaut’s helmet filled with water, leaving them in a desperate race against time to get back to the airlock.

“I said that I went to see The Revenant on Saturday at the new cinema in Bristol. He was like ‘oh, was it good?’.

“I said it was very gripping and that we went for an Italian after, but the service was a bit slow. To be honest though I felt like he wasn’t that interested.”

Cook added: “These days you can’t get through a conversation with Tim without him banging on about space. He’s a good guy but very wrapped up in his job.

“Walking in space sounds impressive but really it’s just like wandering around at night while dressed as a giant frog. I don’t even think they’ve got proper telly up there, they just watch DVDs, so it’s probably quite boring.”