Train companies praised for punctuality of fare increases

RAIL fare increases have arrived bang on time yet again.

The price increases will be unaffected by technical failure, leaves or something that happened two days ago near Swindon with some children and a breeze block.

43-year-old commuter Tom Logan said: “They can’t run a transport network for shit they deliver price increases with smooth, machine-like regularity.

“Ever since I’ve been commuting I don’t think there’s ever been a delay in the price going up. Nor has the promised price increase ever been replaced by a bus.

“The effortless, almost robotic efficiency with which the cost of my ticket goes up would impress even Kraftwerk. They’d probably write an album about it called Expensive Trains or The Empty Wallet Man-Machine.”

Office worker Emma Bradford said: “It’s quite a logistical feat, printing all those tickets with the higher prices on, making sure the desk staff are briefed to charge us more and ensuring that large fines are in place for anyone with the wrong type of ticket.

“It’s just great work.”

Logan added: “They should re-nationalise the trains so at least they could be shit in a fair way.”