Trains great places to do complicated things, say idiots

A CROWDED train is the ideal place to unpack a massive picnic or sort out a business deal, idiots believe.

While being in a cramped space surrounded by others makes most people keep themselves to themselves, fuckwits say they enjoy the challenge of doing something inappropriate.

Mum-of-two Donna Sheridan said: “If we’re going on a journey longer than 40 minutes, I unpack a big bag of shopping and start slicing bread to make sandwiches.

“Sometimes we bring hot soup too. It makes a horrific mess and scalds the kids if they’re drinking it when the train goes round a bend, but they need their five a day.”

Solicitor Roy Hobbs said: “I normally try to iron out the finer details of a complicated legal contract. That’s in no way impractical when the signal cuts out every three minutes.”

Marketing manager Mary Fisher said: “If we’re going on holiday we’ll break out a 1,000-piece jigsaw or assemble a massive kite ready for the beach.

“It’s tricky when I’m also having a long talk with my friend about her gynaecological problems, but we muddle through with a bit of shouting.”

Asked if she was concerned about bothering other people on the train, Fisher said: “What other people?”

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