Woman flaunts body by existing

A WOMAN has flaunted her figure merely by existing.

25-year-old Emma Bradford began the flaunting process when she woke up this morning and prepared to go to work. Although the office worker lives alone, her sensational figure was clearly visible to her cat as she cleaned her teeth.

Dressed in a jacket and trousers, she then stunned onlookers by eating a Toffee Crisp on the train.

A bystander said: “She got some crumbs on her shirt and had to wipe them off with a bit of tissue. It was a real eyeful.”

The flaunting continued throughout the day as Bradford sat at her computer, occasionally getting up to make a cup of tea.

A kitchen onlooker said: “You could tell from the way she dunked her teabag that she was loving the attention. She was certainly looking great as she removed a prawn sandwich from a Tupperware tub and took several bites.”

Bradford later put on a hot display at her local Co-op, where she bought milk, bread, and a Truly Irresistible Sticky Toffee Pudding that was on offer.

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Neither casual friend going to break first and add the other on Facebook

A PAIR of friendly acquaintances are locked in stalemate over adding each other on Facebook, it has emerged.

Julian Cook and Tom Booker know each other through mutual friends and while they are definitely mates on a casual basis, neither is going to ‘break’ and add the other.

Cook said: “I know him from the pub so it’s not like we desperately need to be on Facebook together, though it does seem strange seeing us both commenting on other friends’ status updates like two foreign countries locked in a complex diplomatic battle.

But am I fuck going to be the one who gives in and adds him first. I’m not his bitch.”

Booker added: “I don’t need to see what memes he likes, but it might be nice to be offered the chance.

But no fucking way am I going to be the one who adds him first. If he wants to add me, he knows where I am.”