The Power Personality Test.
Many people would give their right arm or it’s financial equivalent to be in my close circle of friends. In fact I went so far as to work out some figures with a potential friend and top salesman Geoff Harris, but I wouldn’t accept a deferred payment scheme.
Your close circle of friends reflects on you as a person so it needs to look and smell excellent. However great you may be, a weak circle can lock you into a lifetime of meaningless dinner parties. I’ve surrounded myself with CEOs, the world’s top animal plastic surgeon, two international DJs and a 17 year-old contortionist. We’re successful, we’re attractive and, most of all, we’re fun.
I’ve designed a ground-breaking personality test that will allow you to determine whether or not someone should be in your inner circle of friends. Get them to answer the following questions and score them 1 for a yes and 0 for a no.
1. Have they ever done anything that Alan Sugar might think is good?
2. Have they invested wisely in property?
3. Are they not slippery to the touch?
4. Do they carry a hanky?
5. What do their ears look like?
6. Is yogurt important to them?
7. Do they know a girl called Rudie Tiddler?
8. Does anyone else like them?
9. Is there a reasonable amount of people who like them?
10. Can they do anything cool that makes you better as a their close friend? E.g. Pay for dinners, double-jointed limbs, own trained exotic animals.
10 – 8. They are in. Keep them close by whatever means, like buying them a luxury friendship bracelet or the same shoes as yours.
7 – 5. More testing needed, they may have potential, try and find out what they’ve got in savings or what they look like in swimwear.
4 – 2. Get them out of the inner circle now, even if they give you the whole ‘but we’ve been friends for ages’ line. If they’re getting clingy perhaps you ought to invite them on a deep sea fishing trip.
1 – 0. You should be ashamed that you know people like this.
Dr Morris O’Connor is the best selling author of The Cost Effective Way to Consensual Quality Friendships