THE whole of Britain has agreed that next time they do something wrong and there is loads of damning evidence they will simply deny it entirely.
Following Boris Johnson blatantly getting away with Partygate, the country has seen the light and realised that honesty is the worst policy and lying is far superior.
Joanna Kramer of Falkirk told her husband: “Affair? I’m not having an affair with Andy from next door. It’s irrelevant that I’m naked and he’s in me right now.
“I believed at the time that was part of the process of putting shelves up. It was a misapprehension, and I apologise. Now can we move on and deal with what really matters to this household?”
Tom Logan said to police: “I was not in the jewellers, I did not fill a bag with diamonds, the diamonds in the bag in the wardrobe are mine and I mix them in with broken glass to confuse thieves. The CCTV is fake. I am happy to complete a questionnaire.”
Across the country, people are asserting that they are in the office, they have not drained the joint savings account to buy drugs, they have no idea who crashed the car and their trousers are certainly not in a state of combustion.
Nathan Muir of Hartlepool said: “I entirely back Boris Johnson and his outstandingly talented cabinet and shall certainly vote for them in the next election. Call it in October and you’ll see how honest I am.”