THE UK has refused to hand a clear local election victory to either Labour or the Conservatives because both of them are pretty toss.
The council elections have seen relatively few changes across the country as Britons voted mainly out of habit, resigned despair or something to do while the lasagne was heating up.
Political analyst Susan Traherne said: “Once again, Britain has faced the choice of incompetent right-wingers and incompetent left-wingers, put its head in its hands and muttered ‘fucking hell’.
“One party offers a wretched Brexit mess overseen by obvious idiots. The other offers some good things but in a clueless, unconvincing way while sort of doing Brexit anyway. Excuse me if I don’t sprint to the polling station.
“UKIP has lost a large number of councillors, but that’s hardly surprising for a party whose main interest is golliwogs. Meanwhile, the Lib Dems… sorry, I can’t be bothered to finish this sentence.”
Voter Martin Bishop said: “I voted for an independent candidate. He’s probably rubbish but at least I don’t hate him yet.”