WESTMINSTER Council have successfully applied for an injunction allowing the dismantling and removal of Boris Johnson.
Justice Griffith Williams heard Council evidence that Johnson had caused measurable damage to the capital and was improperly constructed.
The London mayor has until 4pm on Friday to remove himself and then pretend to cycle home for 500 yards before being driven away in a Bentley.
A council spokesman said: “Visitors come from across the globe to see the mother of all parliaments and it’s not helpful when they’re confronted by such a large Johnson.
“He looks like an inside-out polar bear that’s just been caught wanking.”
He added: “Nobody is denying the upper-classes their right to peacefully use their wealth and influence to run the country using all the cognitive abilities of a sofa cushion. But this Johnson has now reached the stage where he’s allowed to sign important letters without somebody taking a look at them first.”
Meanwhile Kent has complained that Westminster has simply displaced Johnson onto its doorstep and Essex has already applied for an interim order extending their Johnson exclusion zone to Holland.
Combined legal actions across the UK could eventually lead to Johnson circling the country in a boat.
But Mayorologist Stephen Malley warned: “When you dismantle a Johnson, you run the risk of creating space for an Abbott. It’s a bit like dealing with an ant’s nest in your garden by unleashing a pack of wolverines.”