Dads approve Corbyn’s functional beige clothing

MIDDLE-AGED men have expressed approval for Jeremy Corbyn’s practical, biscuit-coloured attire.

51-year-old Roy Hobbs said: “I’m sick of politicians who look like they care about clothes. Those people give my wife ideas about making me go to Gap, or whatever it’s called, to buy a ‘modern’ shirt.

“Like me, Corbyn orders his clothes via newspaper adverts that use words like ‘comfortable’ and ‘machine washable’. Because what else do you need from a garment?

“It’s not like I’m still interested in sex.”

Short-tempered 53-year-old Wayne Hayes said: “I’ve no idea of his politics but Corbyn’s not afraid to wear beige on beige and I like that.

“That’s statement dressing, and the statement is ‘I’ve got a shed, a bad knee and I like telly programmes about bridges’.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Dear Holly: What can I do to escape the cruel glare of the media?

Dear Holly,

As if my self-esteem wasn’t already low enough, this morning I open the newspapers and see numerous intrusive and personal photos of me in a range of uncompromising positions laid bare for all to see, taken with some kind of high-powered telephoto lens. And to make matters worse they refer to me as a dwarf! I am not a bloody dwarf, I am just rather little, and all I want is a bit of respect and privacy. What can I do to escape the cruel glare of the media?


The solar system

Dear Pluto,

We did the planets at school last year so I know everything there is to know about astrology. We live on planet Earth which is the best planet because One Direction live on it, but one day we might go and live on Mars because it is made entirely of chocolate. If we go there, our king will probably be Brian Cox because he loves Mars bars. There are some other planets too: Jupiter, Dyson and Vulcan, but they are all too rubbish and inhospitable so only mental Scottish people dare live on them, and there is also a planet called Freddy Mercury which is also known as the big gay planet. Apart from that it is all pretty boring.

Hope that helps,