Government commits £49 to tent for the homeless

THE government has unveiled plans to eradicate homelessness by buying a tent from Millets.

After being criticised for a lack of new funding, ministers now hope the three-man StormMaster tent will house the UK’s homeless if they squash up a bit.

Communities secretary James Brokenshire said: “This excellent tent cost almost 50 quid and has a little porch for your shoes. I just don’t see what more we can do.

“It’s been pitched in a park in Birmingham, making it easy to get to from anywhere in the UK. Yes, it’s a squeeze for all of Britain’s rough sleepers, but that’s part of the fun of camping.

“The tent will provide a warm, dry home where they can apply for courses instead of taking heroin.”

However tent users reported issues such as a maximum capacity of 20 people even when stacked up like gerbils and a three-mile queue to get a place inside.

Homeless person Tom Logan said: “I was sort of hoping for a modest room in a hostel while I get my life back together, not having to sleep with my face next to a 65-year-old alcoholic’s bottom.”

A government spokesman said: “Homeless tent users must be prepared to accept hardship because vindictive bastard voters really like it.”