THE House of Lords is to introduce a decriminalised zone where peers can prostitute themselves without fear of arrest.
Baroness Stowell, leader of the House of Lords said: “There will always be men willing to pay for access to the hallowed seat of government and, sadly, there will always be peers desperate or lonely enough to let them.
“After a lifetime in politics it’s often all they have left, and it’s better they do it here in safety then walking the streets where they could fall prey to journalists, packs of drunken lobbyists or smooth-talking pimps like Nigel Farage.”
Work has already begun to fit floor-length windows and red lighting in the Peers’ Corridor of the Palace of Westminster.
An anonymous hereditary peer said: “The Chinese, the arms lobby, it’s all just a whirl of faces to me. I make all the right noises but the truth is I haven’t added a clause to a bill in years.
“Most of the money goes on necessities like Louis Latour Chassagne-Montrachet champagne so I can drown my self-loathing.”