Man who voted Brexit 'just to stir things up' more than happy

A MAN who voted Leave ‘just to shake things up a bit’ has proclaimed himself delighted with events so far. 

Nathan Muir of Reading, who cast his 2016 vote to get rid of ‘politics as usual’, confirmed that the results are everything he hoped for with more to come. 

He continued: “Remember 2015? When we had a choice between one clueless overprivileged twat and a marginally different one with much the same policies? Those days are gone. 

“Labour’s got a lunatic love guru who’ll be shredded if he loses an election, the Tories are fighting like a sackful of starving weasels, every cherished tradition is being stamped on and nobody knows what the fuck will happen next. 

“The comfort zone is a distant memory. Yes, we’re closer to a military dictatorship than we’ve ever been, but feel the thrill of it. This is what it must’ve been like for Russians in 1917. 

“With my one little vote, I’ve bought us a new politics of mad panic, desperate alliances, shifting sands and the only certainty is there are no certainties left. 

He added: “I’m getting a bit bored of it now though.” 

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Atheists' advent calendar just contains cold hard facts

AN atheist family’s advent calendar contains nothing but reason and cold hard facts.

The Booker family of Stevenage opened the first window on their ‘We’re fine with celebrating but let’s not read too much into this’ advent calendar last week to the moderate joy of their two young children.

Atheist Dad, Tom Booker said: “You could see the childlike glee in the kids eyes when we opened December 1st and it was a picture of Richard Dawkins.”

“No chocolates. Just a picture of Richard Dawkins.”

“And since then we’ve had such fun as scientific facts that the universe is 10 billion years old so how does this correlate with your so-called Son of God theory. You can tell the kids love it, they haven’t been smiling or anything but you can just tell.”

Atheist Mum, Emma Booker said: “Who needs small chocolates when you can instead have a picture of Christopher Hitchens with a speech bubble that says ‘There is no God’?”

The Bookers’ youngest child Rosie added: “Why did the weird man say there’s no God? I want a chocolate reindeer.”