Nan explains latest confusing reasons for voting Tory

A NAN who lives in a local authority affected by Tory cuts has given an utterly incomprehensible account of why she always votes for them.

Mary Fisher of Northampton is opposed to things like library closures, but doggedly votes Conservative for reasons that would baffle even the most brilliant psychologist.

Fisher said: “My main reason for voting Conservative is a documentary I saw 20 years ago about a family from Leeds. I forget the details but the son was a right little so-and-so.

“I wouldn’t want them living next door, and the same applies to Australians. They’ve got a jokey attitude so you don’t want them doing something important like flying a plane.

“By voting Conservative I feel it somehow stops bad things happening, even though I think they’re smarmy gits just in it for themselves who’ve done nothing about all the wasps.

“Still, it’s better than Arthur Scargill running the country. Or Gerry Adams. What a pair they are. Never trust a man with a beard, I say.”

Psychologist Tom Booker said: “I’d assumed older people voted Tory due to fear of change, but with Mrs Fisher it appears to have something to do with Asda’s range of cooked meats.