A PRO-BREXIT MP has exploded mid-speech in the House of Commons.
Julian Cook, member for Mole Valley, was simultaneously claiming that the leaked Brexit impact report was a fake, that it jeopardised negotiations and that it did not exist when he detonated, spattering MPs in a 25ft radius with viscera and pinstripes.
Deputy speaker Denys Finch-Hatton said: “These Brexiters are under tremendous internal pressure, attempting to disregard their previously rock-solid faith that business knows everything, while flooding their systems with high-octane xenophobia, and they’re just not equipped to handle the contradiction.
“It’s alright for David Davis. None of it goes in. But some of these gentlemen have working brains, and the more strain they’re under the more spontaneous explosions we’ll see.
“And it’s not just Tories. When Labour MPs try to understand whatever the fuck Corbyn’s Brexit position is, their temples begin to bulge ominously. Luckily most of them don’t bother.”
The number of exploding MPs is expected to increase to approximately four per week by October, after which Britain will be governed by whatever is left.