Six things Brexiters voted for and got the complete f**king opposite

DID you vote for Brexit to stop immigration, only for immigration to go up? Is that your fault? Probably. So what else has gone the opposite way to your intentions?


There’s no more ardent backer of the NHS than you. Why, you were willing to sever all connections with our nearest neighbours, the world’s largest trading bloc, to give it an extra £350m a week. And what’s happened? The NHS is on its knees and the people you voted for are now saying it needs to be put down.


It was all the EU’s fault, wasn’t it? Except France, shorn of all responsibility for asylum seekers headed our way, now wishes them an insouciant ‘Bon voyage!’. More are arriving than ever before, and we haven’t even signed our free movement deal with India yet. It’s like a lesson in racism not paying off.


Sick of the EU holding us back, you unleashed buccaneering Britain to take on the world just like Boris Johnson said. The result? Businesses shutter weekly, supermarkets routinely have empty shelves, and apparently if we’re to even compete you need to lose all your employment rights.


We’ve added an extra one within the UK, between Britain and Northern Ireland, and we don’t even control that. The EU do. Oh and we’re struggling to check goods coming in, so enjoy your horse pie.


Eastern Europeans are taking all the jobs, you muttered as a friendly Romanian waitress served you. They should be going to honest Brits. And now they’ve all f**ked off, haven’t they? Restaurant service is sluggish at best, fruit’s rotting in trees and nurses are striking because of understaffing, because honest Brits didn’t want their crappy jobs.

Political representation

Why should unelected technocrats in Brussels make all the decisions? We didn’t vote for them. No. Nor did anyone vote for Theresa May, Liz Truss or Rishi Sunak, but those clueless pricks have been in charge for the majority of the time since 2016, haven’t they? And how’s that gone?

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Chris Moyles, and other 90s men who achieved fame by being twats

A MERE 23 years ago, it was impossible to achieve fame without being a dickhead.  The 90s spawned these monsters: 

Chris Evans 

What precisely was the appeal? ‘Wackiness’ and ‘zaniness’? A less-bad version of Steve Wright’s ‘posse’? Crowing about making so many millions he could just skive off with a hangover when he felt like it? Not as hateful as Moyles, but unquestionably a twat, as proved by his fondness for the ultimate twat accessory – a ridiculously large collection of sports cars.

Chris Moyles 

Moyles proved that ‘fat twat’ was not merely what people referred to him as, it was an actual career. Somehow he got paid for a string of tedious controversies sparked by his boorish crap, such as discussing pissing in the shower and calling women who did it ‘dirty whores’ on his breakfast show. The Charlotte Church incident was by far the creepiest, and he may as well have just had a wank live on air while you ate your boiled egg.

Russell Brand 

Brand technically hit the big time in the 2000s, but he was learning his craft as a twat in the 90s. His stand-up was soon displaced by tiresome shagging stories, a shit book and the agonisingly embarrassing Andrew Sachs incident which only severe head trauma will erase. Still apparently unaware he was a twat, Russell then had a deep political awakening, in which he discovered completely new concepts like distributing wealth more fairly.

Guy Ritchie

It’s not so much Ritchie personally, although statistically speaking he is likely to be a twat, more his awful legacy. Lock, Stock etc. was insulting public school mockney bollocks in its own right, but more importantly opened a Pandora’s box of bad films. If you ever spent an evening watching the unwatchable Triads, Yardies and Onion Bhajis because your mate ‘thought it looked good’ in Blockbuster, the trail of blame can be traced directly back to one Guy Stuart Ritchie.

David Baddiel 

Not a horrible twat, more just a twat. After some decent comedy, Baddiel got on board the 1990s lad culture bandwagon with Fantasy Football League, a natural career choice for a middle-class Cambridge Footlights alumnus. This has come back to haunt him due to the ‘pineapple on his head’ taunts directed at striker Jason Lee. The blackface didn’t help either, especially as Baddiel had just hopped on the anti-Corbyn bandwagon to campaign against anti-semitism.

Richard Littlejohn

Littlejohn became Britain’s highest-paid columnist in the 90s, thanks to his shit columns obsessed with homosexuality, WW2 and ‘PC gone mad’. However he did prove that people are willing to read near-identical articles several times a week if they reinforce their vile opinions. Truly a great discovery, and now something being emulated by every reactionary pundit from Piers Morgan to the cursed souls on GB News. So thanks for that, Littlejohn, you twat.