Starmer: 'My father made one supreme tool. It is I'

2nd September 2026

KEIR Starmer has resigned from Parliament after realising his toolmaker father spent his childhood crafting one perfect tool, and that he is it.

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Summer 2026 was sexiest on record, says Met Office

2nd September 2026

THE government’s weather service has confirmed that this summer was the raunchiest f**kfest in the nation’s history.

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