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We ask you: how are you preparing your 12-year-old to vote in the next general election?

LABOUR’S voting age change means today’s 12-year-olds will vote in the next election. How are you readying them for their civic responsibilities? 

Paul Holmes, member for Hamble Valley: “My daughter has been brought up to be well-mannered and grateful, so she will be voting Labour to thank them for their kindness. Galling because I’m a Tory MP, but nonetheless.”

Nikki Hollis, dental nurse: “I shall be turning off The Vampire Diaries and instead they shall watch Newsnight for the next four years. Elsa might resent it but she must be well-informed.”

Susan Traherne, Uber driver: “Children learn from their parents’ example, so I hope Connor has already learned there’s no point bothering because they’re all the bloody same.”

Wayne Hayes, semaphorist: “All teachers are lefties so I shall provide a counter-balancing education at home with regular torchlit Nazi rallies in the back garden. Then they’re free to make up their own minds.”

Norman Steele, radio operator: “Hah! You think Starmer’s going to allow elections? Dream on.”

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Most children don't really need to go to school, say experts

THE majority of British children should be excused school as it is a waste of their and society’s time, say experts. 

Education secretary Bridget Phillipson admitted that for most children there was little academic or vocational benefit from long, dreary educations filled with words and numbers.

She continued: “Once a five-year-old can go to the toilet, eat with their hands and ideally read a bit, I am happy for that child to go into a combination of apprenticeship and training shoe assembly.

“Tony Blair famously believed in education, education, education. The children from his administration are now adults and as thick as ever. He was therefore wrong.

“Rather than wasting valuable worksheets on kids who will never be anything but halfwits, they can be released early and the schools can focus on the literate and numerate elite who will grow up to become television producers.

“We don’t write off children in this country soon enough.”

School leaver Oliver O’Connor, aged 18, said: “I have already forgotten the bulk of my schooling and will never need it again. I could have been earning money.”

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