We ask you: will your children join Shapps and Sunak's fighting men?

RISHI Sunak is increasing defence spending and preparing for war. Would you send your children to battle under his indefatigable command? 

Jim Bates, broadband installer: “My son would fight under a Tory government only. He’s not dressing up in a rainbow uniform for Starmer’s Woke Forces invading Texas in response to misgendering tweets.”

Susan Traherne, mole exterminator: “I’ve prepared my two lads for war with daily 16-hour Xbox sessions, rain or shine. Got them desensitised and drone-ready.”

Lucy Parry, historian: “People sneer at Sunak but his small stature would make him a perfect tunnel rat in ‘Nam, crawling down there, grenade between teeth.”

Steve Malley, software designer: “They must not have heard Edwin Starr’s 1970 hit War, which asks the question ‘what is it good for?’ and answers it ‘absolutely nothing’. Then, in case you weren’t paying attention, says it again.”

Vladimir Putin, president: “Shit, they’re increasing defence spending by 25 per cent? Oh, no, 2.5 per cent. That’s no problem. That’s fine.”

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Kate's photo of Louis is perfect in every way, grovels media that has learnt its f**king lesson

THE British media is heaping praise on the Princess of Wales’ bang-average photo of Prince Louis in a desperate bid to make amends, it has emerged.

After scrutinising Princess Kate’s edited Mother’s Day photo so relentlessly that she felt obliged to reveal she has cancer, the British media has taken a more lenient approach to her pedestrian birthday snap of Prince Louis.

Journalist Norman Steele said: “Wow. There it is. A smiling boy wearing a shirt lying on some out-of-focus grass. Ansel Adams would be proud.

“To the layman it looks like the stock image that comes with a photo frame. But because Kate took it, it puts the Apollo 8 Earthrise photo and that image of American soldiers raising the flag on Iwo Jima to shame.

“They should print it on money, or better yet chisel it onto the moon so the whole planet can bask in its magnificence every night. That’s how gob-smackingly incredible it is.”

Daily Mail columnist Susan Traherne added: “Kate could’ve accidentally covered the entire lens with her thumb and we still would’ve had to say how brilliant it is. That’s how badly we f**ked up last time.

“I would’ve understood if her press release simply read ‘f**k you’ with a jpeg of a poo emoji attached.”