Obviously I had to do the questionnaire. Boris said he's never done homework in his life and he’s not starting now

ONE of the maids brought me the questionnaire, crumpled and stained with Merlot. She had this face on her like she was trying to hide her disgust. So she’s fired.

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ONE of the maids brought me the questionnaire, crumpled and stained with Merlot. She had this face on her like she was trying to hide her disgust. So she’s fired.

Let's move to Wales's worst shithole! This week: Newport, Gwent

Like a fatberg-clogged sewer at the bottom of the Valleys, Newport is easily Wales’s most dismally shit-flecked city and was voted ‘most likely to be built on top of an open Hellmouth’.

This is a Mash Premium article, exclusively for subscribers. Sign up for Mash Premium to get ad-free browsing and bonus content.

Mash Premium gives you extra content and ad-free browsing. Subscribe to view this article.

Like a fatberg-clogged sewer at the bottom of the Valleys, Newport is easily Wales’s most dismally shit-flecked city and was voted ‘most likely to be built on top of an open Hellmouth’.

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