RAFAEL Benitez will don blackface during his time at Chelsea in a bid to reduce abuse from fans and players.
Benitez believes that becoming the leagues first minstrel-manager will be so confusing to everyone that they will be too scared to criticise him in case that makes them racist or black, or a black racist.
Benitez said: Im hoping to baffle the fans into stopping their booing by slapping on boot polish and answering all future questions in a thick Jamaican accent.
“At the very least itll make them think Im not the guy who hated their guts whilst at Liverpool as theyre an easily-confused bunch.
I also expect the players will start telling reporters that some of their best friends are me, so that will help training sessions go a bit more smoothly.
He will further wrongfoot the team by playing only reggae played by white performers such as UB40 on the team bus and travelling with his father, who has been dressed up as a Sikh.
Benitez added: If this fails I can always go back to the old schtick of pretending to be a paranoid lunatic with delusions of grandeur that kept Liverpool fans entranced for nearly six years.
The Spanish beard model has been criticised by supporters for his incendiary comments about how he believed they could win the Champion’s League.
Many Chelsea fans protested against Benitez’s appointment by buying an expensive ticket for yesterdays games so that they could wave misspelt handwritten signs that may or may not make him resign.